생생뮤직.

1년여 동안 매일 생뮤직을 듣고 지내다가 없으니까 허전해진 모양인지

요즘은 여기저기 돌아다니며 판소리 대금 12현 및 거문고 산조 연주를 찾아 헤메고 있음.

참.. 국악에 '국'자도 관심없었는데 좋더라- (개인적으로 아직 피리나 해금은 좋은 줄 모르겠다는)

그래도 곱게 차려입고 나와서 예쁜척하면서 서양음계 뜯는 건 여전히 별로.

산 중턱에 초가집 한 채 지어 놓고 사방팔방 문 열린 대청 마루에 앉아서 생생뮤직 들으며 바람을 즐기면 얼마나 좋을까나.

from youtube - 황병기 '가야금 산조'

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According to usage and conventions which are at last being questioned but have by no means been overcome, the social presence of a woman is different in kind from that of a man. A man's presence is dependent upon the promise of power which he embodies. If the promise is large and credible his presence is striking. If it is small or incredible, he is found to have little presence. The promised power may be moral,physical, temperamental, economic, social, sexual - but its object is always exterior to the man. A man's presence suggests what he is capable of doing to you or for you. His presence may be fabricated, in the sense that he pretends to be capable of what he is not. But the pretence is always towards a power which he exercises on others.

By contrast, a woman's presence expresses her own attitude to herself, and defines what can and cannot be done to her. Her presence is manifest in her gestures, voice, opinions, expressions, clothes, chosen surroundings, taste - indeed there is nothing she can do which does not contribute to her presence. Presence for a woman is so intrinsic to her person that men tend to think of it as an almost physical emanation, a kind of heat or smell or aura.

To be born a woman has been to be born, within an alloted and confined space, into the keeing of men. The social presence of women has developed as a result of their ingenuity in living under such tutelage within such a limited space. But this has been at the cost of a woman's self being split into two. A woman must continually watch herself. She is almost continually accompanied by her own image of herself. Whilst she is walking across a room or whilst she is weeping at the death of her father, she can scarcely avoid envisaging herself walking or weeping. From earliest childhood she has been taught and persuaded to survery herself continually.

And so she comes to consider the surveyor and the surveyed within her as the two constituent yet always distinct elements of her identity as a woman.

She has to survey everything she is and everything she does because how she appears to others, and ultimately how she appears to men, is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life. Her own sense of being in herself is supplanted by a sense of being appreciated as herself by another.

Men survey women before treating them. Consequently how a woman appears to a man can determine how she will be treated. To acquire some control over this process, women must contain it and interiorize it. That part of a woman's self which is the surveyor treats the part which is the surveyed so as to demonstrate to others how her whole self would like to be treated. And this exemplary treatment of herself constitutes her presence. Every woman's presence regulates what is and is not 'permissible' within her presence. Every one of her actions - whatever its direct purpose or motivation - is also read as an indication of how she would like to be treated. If a woman throws a glass on the floor, this is an example of how she treats her own emotion of anger and so of how she would wish it to be treated by others. If a man does the same, his action is only read as an expression of his anger. If a woman makes a good joke this is an example of how she treats the joker in herself and accordingly of how she as a joker-woman would like to be treated by others. Only a man can make a good joke for its own sake.

One might simplify this by saying: men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object - most particularly an object of vision: a sight.

- [Ways of Seeing] chapter 3. by John Berger

틈틈이 읽고 있는 책인데 마침 어제 읽은 부분이 흥미롭더라. "여자는 항상 남들의(특히 남자의) 시선을 의식하며 행동하는 반면에 남자는 본인에게 초점을 맞추고 행동한다."가 결국 요지인건데 너무 길어서 적지 않은 뒷부분에 자신의 주장에 대한 근거들을 제시하고 있다. 그렇지 않다라고 반박하고 싶지만 대개 잘 쓰인 글들이 그러하듯 청산유수라서 읽다 보면 동화 내지는 세뇌되어서 원했든 원치 않았든 어느새 끄덕끄덕하며 공감하고 있는 자신을 발견하게 된다. 저자의 말이 다 맞는것 같은 착각을 하게 된달까?

지금 내 감정이 과연 옳은 말을 들었을 때 느끼게 되는 기분 나쁨인건지, 아니면 틀린 말인데 마땅히 반박할 논거를 찾을 수 없는 나의 능력 부족이 한탄스러워 느끼게 된 기분 나쁨인지는 잘 모르겠다. 끝까지 읽고 나면 답이 나오겠지? 

간간이 어려운 단어들이 있긴 하지만 대체로 평이하니까 술술 한 번 읽어 보실것을 권장. 재미있음!

몇몇 영어를 달가와하지 않는 분들께는 미리 사과의 말씀을-. 여긴 번역본이 없으니 원서를 사서 읽을 수 밖에 없고, 그렇다고 저걸 다 번역하고 있을 시간도 의지도 없어서 -_-;;